Facilitating Better Dialogue

The Four Dialogue Practices originated with Professor David Bohm, William Isaacs, Peter Garrett and Don Factor and their contemporaries in 1980s England. Read ‘Dialogue – A Proposal’  here.

We began adapting and applying them to Autism in 2017, where they continue to evolve in a whole new direction.

These four simple principles are the result of many years dedication and evolution from that first proposal, and they are fundamental to good conversation. You can memorise them or write them down. Some people see them and think it looks scary, but we encourage you to be brave and remind you our Dialogues are always safe, secure and confidential. Most people are really surprised at how much they enjoy Dialogue. You can read many testimonies about Autism Dialogue  here.

VOICE
authenticity, without pretence, finding one’s truth.

LISTENING
without distraction to what is really being said.

SUSPENSION
of judgement and assumption, to nurture better thinking.

RESPECT
for yourself and each other equally, ensuring things make sense.

However good you are, if you practice you will get better. The atmosphere within which people talk and think together is dependent on the Dialogic Practices. Deepening the practices makes the atmosphere richer and more conducive to thinking well together by making a stronger ‘container’ – the experience of our being together this way.

Dialogue is a way of talking and thinking together that helps people to find a common understanding and a common purpose. The decisions and actions that result from good dialogue make common sense to everyone involved. Good dialogue requires a set of simple and practical skills that can easily be learned and bettered with practice. In dialogue people express their own views, needs and aspirations, listen to others, agree and disagree with one another, support and challenge each other, become aware of their own assumptions and impact on others, come to appreciate diversity and to accommodate differences in ways that may not have been obvious at first. With the benefit of dialogue it is possible to undertake participatory change with people rather than imposing change by doing it to people. Change of this kind is sustainable over time because it feels right and is based on collective common sense.

The Dialogic Practices are ethical and fundamental to good communication. If they are absent it is not possible to have high quality exchanges with others. They are called Practices because the more you practice them the better you get! The more you understand and use the Dialogic Practices the higher the quality of your encounters with others will be. There are only four Practices and they reinforce one another. They are simple enough to remember and use whilst you are talking with others and when you notice the quality is not as good as you would like it to be.

1. Authentic Voice 

Authenticity lies at the heart of meaningful communication. When we speak with our authentic voice, we share our thoughts, feelings, and experiences genuinely and transparently. This practice encourages us to be honest and vulnerable, to express ourselves without fear of judgement or rejection. By speaking from the heart, we create an environment of trust and openness, inviting others to do the same. Authentic voice fosters genuine connections, allowing us to relate to one another on a deeper, more personal level. Sensitive conversation also requires a commitment to authenticity – the courage to speak our truth with honesty and integrity, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult.

Authenticity is not just about speaking our truth; it’s also about honouring the truth of others. It’s about recognising that everyone has their own unique perspective, their own truth to share, and their own story to tell. When we approach conversation with an open mind and a willingness to learn from others, we create space for diverse voices and experiences to be heard and respected.

Isaacs (1999) outlines four basic guidelines for authentic voicing:

• Play your own music: Speak with authenticity.
• Overcome self-censorship: Consider the risks of not speaking up.
• Jump into the void: Speak without over-rehearsing.
• Ask: What do I want to be known for?: Speak from core values.
  

2. Listening

Deep listening goes beyond simply hearing the words that are spoken; it involves fully engaging with the speaker on a deeper level. Deep listening involves being present in the moment, giving the speaker our full attention, and empathetically tuning into their thoughts and feelings. By listening deeply, we demonstrate respect and validation for the speaker’s experiences, fostering trust and empathy in the conversation.

Listening is a skill that is as rare as it is valuable in today’s fast-paced world, where distractions abound and attention spans are dwindling. This practice requires us to pay attention not only to what is being said but also to their body language, tone of voice, emotional cues and felt energy fluctuations. It means setting aside our own agenda and ego, giving the speaker our undivided attention, validating their feelings and experiences, and responding authentically with empathy and respect. Yet, it is precisely in its precious rarity that its power lies, as when we truly listen to one another – without judgement, without interruption, without distraction – we create a space where people feel seen, heard, and valued. And in this space, meaningful connections can flourish, against all odds.

Isaacs (1999) outlines four basic guidelines for deep listening:

• Be aware of thought: Notice how much our thinking is preconditioned.
• Stick to the facts: Avoid jumping to conclusions.
• Follow the disturbance: Explore emotional reactions.
• Listen without resistance: Set aside reactions to fully hear others.
• Stand still: Cultivate inner silence.

3. Respect

Respect is the foundation of meaningful communication. It involves treating others with dignity, empathy and consideration, regardless of differences or disagreements. This practice requires us to honour each person’s unique perspective, value their experiences and contributions, and engage with them in a spirit of mutual respect. Respectful communication creates an environment of trust and safety, where all voices are heard and valued. The collective, subtly changing process is respected too – and is based on ‘coherence,’; involving seeing commonality in differences without seeking agreement. Respect in groups allows polarities to coexist without rushing to resolve them.

It fosters empathy and understanding, allowing for constructive dialogue, meaningful connections and new insight to flourish. 

Isaacs (1999) outlines four basic guidelines for Respect:

• Stand at the hub: Stay centred and present.
• Centring: Remain grounded, even in opposition.
• Listen as if it were all in me: Recognise that what we see in others often exists in ourselves.
• Make it strange: Avoid assumptions; see others freshly.

4. Suspension

We all carry a set of assumptions, beliefs, and biases that shape our perceptions of the world. However, these assumptions can often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in communication. The practice of suspending assumptions involves setting aside our preconceived notions and approaching each conversation with an open mind. It requires us to challenge our own biases, to question our assumptions, and to remain curious and receptive to new ideas and perspectives. By suspending assumptions, we create space for genuine dialogue and mutual understanding, allowing for the exploration of diverse viewpoints and experiences.

Isaacs (1999) outlines four basic guidelines for suspension:

• Suspend certainty: Question your thoughts as subjective.
• Seek the order between: Look beyond polar positions.
• Try frame experiments: Reframe perspectives.
• Externalise thought: Share and explore thoughts collectively.
• Ask: What am I missing?: Explore what’s excluded or overlooked.

Dialogue facilitator Jessica Ball (2024), in adding a number of further guidelines emphasises early participation, suggesting at the beginning of a dialogue the facilitator invites participants to read the guidelines together, each person reading one out loud, if desired. Ball also accommodates for visual thinking by the use of friendly pictorials, which can be seen on her website.

Reference

Isaacs, W. (1999). Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together. Bantam Doubleday Dell